I received another Facebook ‘friend request’ from another ex this week. They pop up every now and then, and I admit I go peek at their wall and laugh at their timeline photo. I don’t accept them, and I haven’t accepted the last 10 they’ve sent. Seems a tad desperate to keep sending them. Perhaps I’m just not a nice person, but a friend request from an ex is very unwelcome to me.
A more trusting person might think “aw, how sweet, I’d love to know what’s going on in their lives” and hit accept.
That person would not be me.
Whenever I see a friend request from an ex I immediately translate that into man-code. They don’t send out a friend request because they wonder if your cat is happy. They don’t send out a friend request because they wonder if you got that promotion. They’re sending that request because something in their life has changed recently and they want you to step in and fix it. In my experience, it’s their relationship status changing from ‘married’ to ‘it’s complicated’ and what you should fix is in their pants.
Cynical much? No. Never. I am a paragon of innocence and trust.
Maybe you do want to fix his ‘problem’. Maybe you’ve been just waiting patiently and biding your time. If that’s the case, then he’s not really your ex-boyfriend at all, merely a misplaced-boyfriend, and by all means hit accept and have at it.
Nonetheless, there are still only 2 options. Accept or reject. Technically, there’s also a third option to ignore, but leaving the friend request sitting there until you get lonely enough to accept it doesn’t really count.
Here’s the naked guts of both options.
Accept the ex-boyfriend friend request
- He will see what you’ve been doing.
- He will see who you’ve been doing.
- Your emo updates of “I just can’t find a man” will make him sit back in his chair like the smug bastard he is.
- He will see photos showing how much weight you gained after the breakup.
- Your friends and family will see you accept the friend request and bombard you with “WTF” messages.
- He will immediately commence planning the booty call.
Reject the ex-boyfriend friend request
- If you dumped him last time, you get to do it again. Hit that button with as much ferocity as you like.
- If he dumped you last time, you get to hit the reject button with ferocity and while spewing profanities.
- He must resort to stalking you via old fashioned methods. Nice, illegal, arrestable ones.
Perhaps if you’re really on the fence about it you could add him to the Google+ page you created for the sake of it, and he can spend forever watching and waiting for some activity there.
Are you a heartless bitch too?