I received another Facebook ‘friend request’ from another ex this week. They pop up every now and then, and I admit I go peek at their wall and laugh at their timeline photo. I don’t accept them, and I haven’t accepted the last 10 they’ve sent. Seems a tad desperate to keep sending them. Perhaps I’m just not a nice person, but a friend request from an ex is very unwelcome to me.
A more trusting person might think “aw, how sweet, I’d love to know what’s going on in their lives” and hit accept.
That person would not be me.
Whenever I see a friend request from an ex I immediately translate that into man-code. They don’t send out a friend request because they wonder if your cat is happy. They don’t send out a friend request because they wonder if you got that promotion. They’re sending that request because something in their life has changed recently and they want you to step in and fix it. In my experience, it’s their relationship status changing from ‘married’ to ‘it’s complicated’ and what you should fix is in their pants.
Cynical much? No. Never. I am a paragon of innocence and trust.
See how sad I make people?
Maybe you do want to fix his ‘problem’. Maybe you’ve been just waiting patiently and biding your time. If that’s the case, then he’s not really your ex-boyfriend at all, merely a misplaced-boyfriend, and by all means hit accept and have at it.
Nonetheless, there are still only 2 options. Accept or reject. Technically, there’s also a third option to ignore, but leaving the friend request sitting there until you get lonely enough to accept it doesn’t really count.
Here’s the naked guts of both options.
Accept the ex-boyfriend friend request
- He will see what you’ve been doing.
- He will see who you’ve been doing.
- Your emo updates of “I just can’t find a man” will make him sit back in his chair like the smug bastard he is.
- He will see photos showing how much weight you gained after the breakup.
- Your friends and family will see you accept the friend request and bombard you with “WTF” messages.
- He will immediately commence planning the booty call.
Reject the ex-boyfriend friend request
- If you dumped him last time, you get to do it again. Hit that button with as much ferocity as you like.
- If he dumped you last time, you get to hit the reject button with ferocity and while spewing profanities.
- He must resort to stalking you via old fashioned methods. Nice, illegal, arrestable ones.
Perhaps if you’re really on the fence about it you could add him to the Google+ page you created for the sake of it, and he can spend forever watching and waiting for some activity there.
Are you a heartless bitch too?
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Where were you when I was in my 20s and desperately in need of a straight talking friend to steer me clear of my stupid stupid decisions? In high school, I suspect. Hilarious post, and more importantly, a great dose of reality!
Rachel @ The Kids Are All Right recently posted..Deportment schools – a relic of the 80s?
Ha, I may well have been in high school, but you can bet I was busy making my own incredibly stupid stupid decisions.
Actually I am FB friends with my first bf haha. But we were young, innocent and didn’t really think too much of the r/s and ended it amicably. The others, however, I’ve blocked so I can’t even receive any requests… If they send any! Haha
Ai Sakura recently posted..For little girls: Sweet Polka Dot Top & Legging Set
I swear I’ve blocked them, but it doesn’t seem to stick. Maybe they’re so intent on scoping my wall out they go and make new facebook accounts. That would be weird and supremely stalky.
Although, you’re right. I am FB friends with my first bf for the same reasons, but we’re not actually friends. Mostly I just see that he clicks ‘like’ on pictures of bikini women.
I always hit the reject button. Today, I had a request from someone I don’t know, one mutual friend – a newly single guy. So I figured someones been scoping out his friends facebook friends and figures I’m worth a shot. No thanks.
Vanessa recently posted..5 Things About Fashion Advice – For Men
But your photo passed his test, it’s a compliment (not). Love how some guys think FB is like a supermarket and they can just drop women into their cart.
Love this post! I reject after a snoop!
Becky from BeckyandJames.com recently posted..Arting With Ellie #4: Making a Mother’s Day Card
Is there anyone who can reject WITHOUT at least a quick snoop? I highly doubt it. Heaven help the ex who doesn’t understand privacy settings.
“…hit that reject button with as much ferocity while spewing profanities…” – OMG ! You are hilar !!!!!
I am friends with 2 ex’s on FB. One’s hardly ever on there and never contacts me so he doesn’t really count and the other, well, let’s say he ended up batting for the other team. So he doesn’t count either, does he ?? :)
Grace recently posted..FYBF – The Mother’s Day Edition
I think team transitioners are allowed, they slide right into the friend zone without argument. Odds are at least one of my exes changed teams, I just haven’t heard about it yet.
Hilarious. I am friends with some of my exes on facebook. They are also married with kids and there is no pant fixing going on. Just a mutual curiosity of what that person we once loved is now up to. It’s cute to see their kids and see how same same or completely different our lives are. (it’s also creepy to see how much his wife looks like me). And sometimes the constant cricket updates make me remember why we are now with different people.
Toushka Lee recently posted..Laundry Day
That’s one of the good things about not being friends with an ex, I’ll never see if they cloned me while I was sleeping.
I’m not heartless & bitchy enough obviously. Please teach me, oh wise one. I blocked my ex-bf, then accidentally unblocked him (I’m always pressing the wrong buttons) and the Gods of FaceBook told me I had to wait 48 hours to block him again. Maybe they thought I was having a relationship crisis & needed time to sort myself out? Lol. But the bastard blocked me in that time (so I guess he was stalking a little). But…can you help me not pick up his stupid freakin call at 1:30am. I was so sleepy and woke with a start, I didn’t really have time to check caller ID. Coz every one knows you only get bad calls in the middle of the night. I don’t know whether to be flattered or pissed that I got a booty call. But snaps to me, I guess, for having the strength to say no (even when a little bit of me wanted to say yes).
I am strangely friends with my both ex husband AND his wife on Facebook. Yikes!
I would answer the 1:30am call, but unless the person on the other end says “It’s an emergency” all they’ll get is incoherent mumblings followed by me dropping the phone on my face and snoring. The trick to being a complete and utter bitch to your ex is to be burned enough not to care what they think anymore. Maybe it’s a good thing you’re not there yet!
Bahaha! That’s funny, and not a bit cynical. I especially love the reference to Google +… makes me feel like I’m not the only person who created a page or circle or some such thing and haven’t been there since!
Mum of Adult Kids recently posted..A parental rite of passage
I feel guilty every time I see the google+ icon on my blog. Oh my poor neglected 3 circle people (or whatever they’re called there).
I once ignored a friend request from an ex. A lovely guy, an ‘amicable’ break up (I dumped him, don’t think he knew what hit him, poor bloke). I felt so bad for ignoring it, but I just couldn’t invite the past into my life, especially while my future was just blossoming in a new relationship (now married with a kid, who knew!?).
I still feel bad for ignoring that friend request. Perhaps I should let it go?
Kylie @ Octavia and Vicky recently posted..Hospitals and newborns
Hahaha! This gave me a good laugh. Will bookmark and make sure to send to friends having ‘Should we be friends on facebook’ internal dilemmas.
Amy recently posted..No Sleeping Here Tonight
Love the pant fixing comment! My husband went on Facebook for about a week until he started receiving ex requests and I think it scared him off! Me? No way never. Not interested, and I really wish ex’s were shipped off to an island somewhere once you were done ;)
Carli @ Tiny Savages recently posted..What not to buy me on Mother’s Day
I’ve quite simply blocked all my exes. Didn’t take long, if I’m honest, and I think i was well worth it. :-D
Popping over from FYBF.
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