I am not one of those people who can control a room simply by whispering. Apparently I can’t do it by shouting and having a tantrum either.
Weasel has become so accustomed to me shouting about various things that she no longer pays any attention. I have become background noise. To be fair, I do use my inside voice first, but it has no effect, and that drives me mental. So I shout. Which also has no effect. It’s an insidious problem that has slowly crept up on us – I am now the neighbourhood banshee.
This week at the dentist she was too busy trying to control how Bubba was playing with the toys that she literally could not hear the dentist call her name, nor me telling her it was our turn. I had to resort to bonking her on the head to get her attention.
I lost my voice that day. Sure, it was weak from being sick recently but the fact is I yelled so much that day I was croaky by bedtime.
Watching the way Weasel interacts with Bubba it has become clear she is a little me, and I am a big her. This is not a revelation to be proud of. Do I really have the fuse of a 5 year old? What is wrong with me as a mother?
I don’t go around shouting at strangers or friends. Just my children. Strangers and friends pretend they’re listening when I speak and that’s placating enough.
The things I’m going off about are important, I think that’s what frustrates me so much. Get off the dog. Stop flapping at the dog, she will bite you. Stop running with scissors. That’s not yours. Put your pants on. No, you cannot check the mail naked. Get out of the pantry.
You know, the same stuff a mother says every single day, over and over and over and over. Except I’m not even getting an ‘in a minute’ response. I’m being completely ignored, and like most people, nothing drives me more crazy.
Bubba has followed suit and now ignores my shouting too. Just looks at me blankly while continuing to do whatever it is she shouldn’t be. She worships her big sister and does everything Weasel does, including disregard Mummy.
I don’t believe it’s simply a discipline problem – they don’t need a smack, they don’t need a Daddy, and yes they do actually have very nice manners. The problem lies with me.
So I sat down with Weasel, and we made a pact. I would use my inside voice more, if she would listen more. Hopefully if I can shout less to the kids, Weasel will shout less at Bubba & her cousins. If I can shout less, I will be heard more.
It’s either that or get me a doggy shock collar and an F in parenting.
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I reallly understand this. I was forever screaming at the kids, clean your room, stop making a mess, be quiet, move back from the tv, watch for cars..etc.
It didn’t make a shard of difference. I found speaking sternly in short burts has been more effective, if they don’t listen they go to their bedroom (I will literally walk them to their bedroom and stand outside). It has improved a bit, they understand now that mums not just the banshee of the street and she means business. But it’s a forever ongoing battle that us mums are destined to win…eventually..maybe..possibly? lol.
Goodluck with it, persistence wears them down;)
xx Debb
You’ve written what’s in my head. Now I don’t have to blog this week. :) Sharing this right now.
Shelly recently posted..Friday Funny: A Bit of Fry and Laurie
I know this frustration. The kids listened to me until they realised the hubby doesn’t. He COMPLETELY IGNORES EVERYTHING I SAY. So they do too. A ten year old and a two year old plus a husband that doesn’t even bother to nod and pretend equals much shrieking and tears from me!
Natalie recently posted..The House On The Hill
Good luck with that. My kids are in their 20s and I still hear myself repeat… put your dishes in the dishwasher, don’t leave your shoes in the lounge room, don’t leave the toilet seat up, turn off the light when you leave the room, I might be your mother but I’m nobody’s slave…
Mum of Adult Kids recently posted..A community service announcement
Are you sure you’re not me? Lol, just realised I have been yelling at the kids to clean the mess they made in the lounge for over an hour.
I feel for you. So many of us have been there, done that…or are still being there.
Here’s a few things I learned that might help:
1. Pick your battles. Some stuff is not big deal and won’t matter in five minutes, much less five years. (Like going to the mailbox naked, which actually was pretty funny!)
2. Make them look you in the eye when you’re talking to them. Some kids aren’t able to connect with your voice until they have eye contact.
3. If you’re a parent who counts (“you have until the count of 3…”) dont’ count forward, count down to a finite end.
4. If necessary, pick them up and move them to where you want them. It doesn’t hurt them, and accomplishes your aim in a lot less time than trying to get them to move forward under their own steam.
You are a good parent. You will not flunk parenthood. You just learn what works, and what doesn’t, and go forward. And good luck to you! (Remember that the light at the end of the tunnel is NOT a train)
Jo recently posted..Creative License is Too a Thing